BLACK TUESDAY

Well, it was Tuesday when I awoke this morning.

If I could have come up with a "believable" reason not to show up at my job......I would have.

Anyone who has ever thought of making an excuse for skipping work has probably run across the same dreaded line of reasoning.........

here is a list of excuses followed by why they aren't acceptable and as always the exception to the rule.

1> i am________(running a temp, have diarrhea, puking my insides out, etc. (WON'T WORK BECAUSE UNLESS YOU'RE DEAD, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO SHOW UP LIKE A TROUPER AND DIE AT WORK)

EXCEPTION: If the boss brought that dish from home she/he is so famous for the day before and you ate it and especially if you raved about it. Then you have the guilt complex working for you.......just remember to tell them your car, house, and bathroom floor is covered in it.

2. my best friend attempted suicide. (WON'T WORK BECAUSE, IT WAS AN ATTEMPT, AND

JUST SHOWS YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANG WITH SUCCESSFUL, MOTIVATED, DRIVEN TO"MAKE IT HAPPEN" PEOPLE.)

EXCEPTION: You explain that you originally made a "suicide pack" but because you had promised to make your deadlines, you friend obviously didn't read the updated e-mail you sent requesting a change in the time frame.

3. my ____________died.(WON'T WORK BECAUSE YOU'VE USED IT ALREADY.)

EXCEPTION: You don't call in at all. You send flowers to the boss and a sympathy card.

Be sure and express just how sorry you are that ___________( his/her grandma, grandpa, sister, brother, uncle, etc.) has passed and you remained home out of loyalty and reverence. Be sure to add that you sent flowers for him/her to the funeral home. This works because the boss doesn't maintain contact with any of his/her relatives , doesn't read the newspapers and is too ashamed to admit either. Just keep a log of who has "died" so you don't get caught.

4. I just need a mental health day. (WON'T WORK BECAUSE THIS AUTOMATICALLY PROMPTS A REAL BACKGROUND CHECK, AND ITS DISCOVERED YOU HAVE ESCAPED FROM A MAXIMUM SECURITY FEDERAL PRISON FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE)

EXCEPTION: Your boss happens to remember just where he/she has known you from and doesn't want to risk their own background check.

These are just a few tried and true excuses and I'm sure you've come up with some very creative ones of your own. Feel free to share them with me..........I need all the help I can get.

Its 9:05 and yes, I'm sitting at my job, at my desk, at my computer..........I'm going to go to the break room and get a cup of coffee..........which is the only reason I came to work today.

We were out coffee at home

"Hey, it could happen."...............Jinks.